The Forgotten Tear

Five Point Someone

2006-02-01T09:43:00.000-08:00

Yes. The number one seller, "Five Point Someone". Have been hearing about the book for a very long time. Finally, I got a chance to read it. It is one of the amazing books that I savoured in the recent times. I either laughed or pondered or felt touched by something or the other on each and every page. Not a single page has let me down. I can relate to so many things in the book (though I am not an IITian). There are so many lines that caught my special thought. "FEW" of them are-

It is amazing how happy one can be with low expectations of one's self.

That is the thing about IIT, you see people and you wonder what their GPA was. You kind of need that to judge them. Sad.

When good things happen to you, you kind of feel there is something odd.

What is in a software job? You are contract labour at cheap prices for foreigners.

One of the best parts of campus life is the friends you make.

Will probably write more about the book later when I am free..

2006-01-20T07:12:00.000-08:00

You look at me.
I do not notice.
You stare at me.
I do not notice.

I know not those eyes,
Am unaware of your sight.
I want not any ties,
I lay strong and tight.

Conscious of every detail,
Sneaking, on your tiptoes,
Hiding under your veil,
You slowly come close.

I now see you.
You do not notice.
I am now aware.
You do not notice.

Me, you appreciate,
You want to touch.
You can not wait,
You long so much.

Your hands,
You are about to lay,
Up into the sky,
I fly away!

2006-01-05T16:20:00.000-08:00

My blabbering - dont call it a joke,
After a long time, I actually spoke;
Took out my time, stayed for a while,
After a long time, I saw myself smile;

My tears - please dont try to stop,
After a long time, my heart is atop;
All my feelings - let them pour,
They have never come out before.

Your words - bought back my motive
After ages, I again want to live;
Your concern - makes me dream again,
After ages, I dont feel the pain;

Your inspiration - made me see through,
My own self, desire, mind and virtue;
Your friendship - jewel that I value,
For, I found a bit of myself in you!

2005-12-26T10:13:00.000-08:00

Just a normal night,
And I went to sleep.
Tried not to notice,
Those harsh words,
Ingrained deep.

I saw a strange dream.
A long path lay ahead.
In dark red it did gleam,
A red carpet, widespread.

Saw myself split,
Split into two.
Matching out-fit,
Different view.

First one was hot,
Emitted hate, was fierce.
Second one was cool,
Emitted love, and peace.

My soul was trapped,
In the hatred of the first.
The path ahead changed,
Into red fire, it did burst.

Soon, my soul was locked,
This time in love of the second.
The path ahead changed,
Into beautiful roses, it reddened.

Suddenly, my soul was free.
A choice, I had to make.
First or the second one,
A body, I had to take.

Can burn myself into ashes,
Or the peace in love,
I could wed.
I chose the second, and lo!
Streams of roses,
Lay ahead.

Tears of joy,
Spurted out of my eyes,
Pain, anger and sorrow,
Melted like the ice.

All my needs, sumptuously fed.
As I gazed,
Into those bright, ribbons of red!

2005-12-20T09:45:00.000-08:00

Whole year, I used to wait,
Counting days,
For the exact same date,
To smell the plain cake,
That my mom used to bake.

Bubbling with excitement,
Hiding in a new garment,
Off to my friends
I would run,
To give them sweets
And have fun.

What brains could possibly define,
Reason for that naive joy of mine?
Joy in innocence and my stupidity,
Joy in "giving" and my simplicity?

Life has changed.
Silliness estranged.
The cake is no more.
No surprise at the door.
I am no longer hugged.
I am no longer kissed.
It is just another day,
Definitely not a birthday.

Another year has passed by,
As I close,
Another chapter with a sigh.

I miss my past. I miss being stupid. I miss being foolish. I miss being "simple".

2005-12-14T12:32:00.000-08:00

It was a deceiving sunny day, where the air is fragrant with cold winter breeze. I walked out the door and embraced the chill, ironically wishing it were not as sunny. As if reading my thoughts, the sun hid in the clouds and I had to drag my every pound to the car with a great fight against the wind. Sitting in the comfort of the heat inside, we drove off, me and my friends. Houses were scanty and scattered across the way, and the roads were colourless due to the lack of green. It was definitely not a great place, but not the worst either. Given a choice, I would never settle down in a place like this. After several dry curves, we entered a road hidden in the trees, and I suddenly I smelt a world different from the place we started. Something young. Something pleasant. Something out from city life. We cruised on the bridge over a small lake, and I was shaken with the discomfort of "nostalgia" that surrounded me. It used to be an ocean-lake that I gazed at. As we entered the small, well-built city, I felt that this is a dream. Felt that I already saw this place. Felt that I somehow knew the place. Felt that I am related. I gazed at the buildings built in stone and brick and realized that my brightened mood exploded on my face as I wore a smile. One of my friend's voice tore into my thoughts, who said "You must have seen all this in the movie, 'A Beautiful Mind'." I remembered. Visioned many scenes, saw all the buildings, then understood the reaosn for my connection. I wondered how intelligent or rich people can get into the campus and how would their campus life be. Would never be the same as mine, though I cherish mine the most. The stone buildings were beautiful. As my sight still rested on one, I heard them say, "This is where Einstein used to live." I felt the hard goose-bumps under my palm as my hairs stood straight on my hand. I didnt know how to describle what I felt? Was it over-whelming or burn or sickness or excitedness, I didnt know. The city had all the expensive stores, great ice-cream places and wonderful hang-out places all around the campus. Yes, the place is Princeton, and the it lived upto my expectations. Exactly what I expected Princeton to be. I dont know if I would want to live there though.

All in all, after a lazy weekend and work from homes, I feel exhilarated, looking forward to new turns my life.

I write for myself.

2005-12-08T11:44:00.000-08:00

For years, looked for a mate,
My worst, who would not hate,
Walk with me, on every acre,
Finally found, pen and paper.

All my blues, I didn't share,
But in my words, I lay bare.
You could see, all I think,
As I go on, and spill my ink.

All my verses, you did read,
Every thought, that I breed.
To write more, you now edict,
As you say, you are an addict.

I can only pen what I feel,
I got not, nerves of steel,
Your hunger, I fail to feed,
I write not, for you to read.

2005-12-06T11:08:00.000-08:00

How do they differ-
Black and Night.
How do you define-
Pleasure in fight.

Arent they close-
Snow and ice.
Are they different-
Good and nice.

Line between the below-
Want and greed.
Self-respect and ego.
Owning and possession.
Liking and obssession.

Which one is better-
Friendship or Love.
What are these-
Love in friendship.
Friendship in Love.

Too many thoughts. Too many questions. Unanswered questions. Questions that are hard to
answer. Answers that are hard to satisfy. Too many subtle differences. How to differentiate
them? Where to draw the lines? What are complexities? What is simple? Why do I make things
complex?

2005-12-05T08:50:00.000-08:00

You said you would come.
I waited.
Waited patiently to welcome.

You forgot, never showed up.
I was worried.
Worried deep, didnt give up.

I saw you escape in a crowd.
I yelled.
I yelled your name aloud.

You heard, did not turn back.
I cried.
Cried silently, felt the whack.

You lied. Broke every vow.
I scowled.
Scowled, "Why did I allow?".

You are finished with pleasure.
I recovered.
Recovered from an awful seizure.

You are finally back again.
I turn back.
Away, from the cause of pain.

2005-12-02T08:06:00.000-08:00

A series of staggering blows to the economy. Delphi, second largest manufacturer of automible parts, filed for bankruptcy recently which was a big blow to many residents in Michigan. Some of them had been working there for their entire life and now suddenly they are jobless. They might even have to move to a new place in search of another "unpromising" job. Even the employees who "remained" will face a smack in their back when they will be deprived of health care, pensions and other benefits on which they have been counting on. Ano now, FORD is closing down five of it's plants which would add to the increasing unemployment. When I look the numbers like 7500, 15000 etc that represent "people" it is scary as hell. I wonder if everyone finds another job and how soon. Even the stock market has gone down considerably during the Thanksgiving. Huh.. However on the other hand, profiting companies ARE profiting.

Given these unpredictable jobs, I sat thinking about a job that will remain stable and promise me a number of years to look forward to. I dont know if it is funny, but things like salon, chef, etc popped in my mind. As long as girls are crazy enough to look beautiful (which is always) and ofcourse as long as there are guys having haircuts, salons are in great demand. And as long as people who like food or atleast eat outside, cooking is in demand.

Anyway, let me now continue my sucking software job. And for those who are reading this at work, go back to work.. and get some profit to your company, and hence save your ass!

2005-12-01T07:18:00.000-08:00

Can you see my tears shed,
From the world high above,
Do you hear my words unsaid,
As you fly on your dove?

Having fun with gentle fairies,
Running around with no border,
When you peep under the cloudies,
Do you see your little sister?

Bliss, I do lack,
Without you, in this farm,
Please come back,
I need to rest, on your arm.

All I seek, is your presence,
Too tiring, is your absence;
For your love, I do thrive,
How I wish you were alive.

2005-11-29T13:21:00.000-08:00

I wake up bright and fresh
Without the need of an alarm,
Smuggly smile and refresh
Last night, resting on his arm;

Slowly, free myself,
Walk out to the window,
As I tie my hair,
Stare at the golden glow.

Breathe in the capturing talcum
Of our beautiful garden,
Where lillies and roses bosom,
And creepers heavenly woven.

As I stand there,
He holds me from behind,
Whispers in my ear,
"good morning"!

Well..this is the end of the dream. wonder how would it be to start a day like that..
Right now, all I want is to be able to wake up without the use of an alarm. Rest my eyes as they deserve. And not to start my day with a gruntle that I had to wake up in the middle of my lazy dreams.

Your Idle Brain, whose workshop?

2005-11-28T11:31:00.000-08:00

What do you do when you have nothing to do but got to sit at your desk at work? Ok, when you are lame of internet. I keep thinking of what can be done, and keep thinking till I get out of work or till I get some work. Have you ever tried to read your own mind?
Recipe:

remain idle
automatically, your brain starts to think about something
then "observe" what you are thinking about, analyze what you are thinking..like good or bad.. or whatever
Repeat the above steps.

After trying this for a while, I am surprised to learn how hard it is to give a single object to our thinking. I tried to concentrate on "X" and the more I tried the more I was deviating, or rather it was tempting to deviate. Well, again depends on the value of "X" that you chose.

If you succeed in glueing your thoughts to a single object, then the word is "meditate". So, is there anything that you meditate upon at work? Strangely, half the time, I meditate about food. Not that I eat a lot, but when I tried to figure out what I am thinking about the most, it was FOOD. It was scary that I could think too much that I even pondered about inter-galactic war... vooooo... how about attacking a planet?? how about removing Satan? That would improve a lot of horoscopes.. how about attacking aliens on Mars.. heck with world peace, should start something like a universal peace.. ENOUGH PERIOD .

Damn!!!.. what the crap did I write??????

Thanksgiving

2005-11-25T06:28:00.000-08:00

Everyone around me,
Is packing their bags,
Ready to leave,
Rented the cars.

Families getting together,
Friends meeting each other,
Lovers pining to get close.

Lot of commotion around,
Only odd thing that I see
Is my feet glued to the ground.
I tried to move,
I failed, they are stuck too bad,
Desperate to move,
Got my legs out of my shoe,
Too cold is the land,
Got back to the comfort of my shoes.

Whole world seems to pass by,
While i am still planning
Planning to make some plans,
I plan, and plan, till I
Finally fail to plan.

2005-11-23T10:28:00.000-08:00

As I wake up to the morning dew,
The only dream I had was you,
Off the bed, stepped in my shoe,
Believed what I saw was really true.

Started the day, simple and alone,
Chuckled and learnt, you are unknown.
But these feelings, are so ingrown,
Though they are there, never shown.

I pray to God, wish for a boon,
As I spare, my lunch at noon.
Still waiting for a beautiful tune,
I hope it happens, and very soon.

Sun has set, the night is drawn,
Blame the feelings that I spawn,
I sit in my own lap, sad and withdrawn,
Without you, yet another day is gone.

2005-11-22T09:03:00.000-08:00

All the secrets,
We had talked,
All the miles,
We had walked,
Leave us here,
You as a stranger,
How I cant stand,
This taste so bitter.
Reason for the silence,
Please tell me why,
How can I believe,
You are just another guy?

It is really sad how people talk in a different tone to "single" people. I am not saying that everyone is like that, and I am not saying that it is wrong. You might be having really good friends who are married or committed, but if you are single, will there not be any difference at all in the way you talk to a beautiful/handsome person who is single? I think any normal person would agree to his conscience that yes, there will be a difference, especially when you are "looking". But how fair is it that somone talks to you in a sweet tone, and talks to you all the while and suddenly when they realize that you are not going to yield, abandon you? Of course, it is not written on paper, but you can see the other person suddenly getting too busy to answer your call once a day(before he used to call for every small thing like a 100 times in a day even when you say that you are running out of free minutes), suddenly has to hang out with his friends and go shopping (he said in the past that he is not interested in shopping), or anything that makes it obvious. But, beware.. dont ask them the reason for their change, they can term you as "mean-minded" and selfish and any term that might hurt you. I will make it clear here, that it is a waste of time and energy that you invest in me. So, please dont spill sugar on me, and once I develop a sweet-tooth, dont just abandon me.. I prefer my lonliness to being hurt.

U met Jackson?

2005-11-18T08:19:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time, there lived a lady, a woman in her forties. She had the most wonderful life, all the dreams fulfilled except for one. A die-hard fan of Jackson she was. She wished to meet him in person, but failed over and over again. Dejected, she returned from her attempts. She could no longer take it and was about to cry. She needed a place, away from public, where she would be private, as she didnt want anyone to see her cry. She went into the nearby rest-room, and Lo! There he was! Jackson in the wrong rest-room. (http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/11/16/showbuzz/index.html#0) Of course, it was a mistake, and he hurried out the door as soon as he realised it and the woman was still stuck in awe.
Are meri maa.. bolne ka na.."mera potha dus saal ka hain".. rukh jaata na.. miss kardi yaar...
PS: everything is purely creative except for the link.

What am I

2005-11-17T20:42:00.000-08:00

Dreams of you,
Fill my head,
As I toss and turn,
In my bed.

My charming prince
He would come,
A few vague glints,
Yet, so welcome;

As I open my eyes,
He is gone,
Sweet are the lies
I dwell upon.

Yes. I have dreamt like anyone, for a perfect soulmate. By
perfect, I dont mean that he is perfect in himself, but he is
perfect for me. He knows my right moods,what can get me right,
how to treat me in a situation, or atleast who knows me
completely. He is not just the person I am most comfortable to be
with, but also very passionate about. And hello... My name is not
"Savitri" that I can be happy from within with "anyone" as it may
seem. And yes, even looks DO matter. Enough of the bullshit that
looks are not important. If you say that they are not, then why
not pick the ugliest person and marry him/her? I bet you wont.

I get close to the "arranged-marriage" circle, and here I realise
that nothing is like what I dreamt of. How can I share the bond
that I wanted without his being my best friend? Well, I dont have
"single-male-best-friends". Even if I succeed in finding one,
why would he like me? I am not the ugliest person, but I am not
pretty. I am not bad, but I am not perfect. Though convinced myself
that dreams are unreal, why do I still feel bad?

It doesnt matter how I feel, as it is the truth that will stay.
Dreams collapsed, and compromises will come in my way.
What am I? Am I being practical or a pessimist?????

Hard to Say No

2005-11-16T13:44:00.000-08:00

You have come
All of a sudden,
Mood blithesome
So was your action;

How can you not
See that I froze,
Living, I forgot
Ready to repose;

Oh, what a pain
That I let you know,
You, I abstain
And my answer is a NO!

Hatred Hatred Everywhere; Even the naive, please Beware

2005-11-14T09:39:00.001-08:00

I am amazed by the vitriol that people can develop on any object. I guess it is a natural process to develop hatred towards someone who is the cause of your suffering. But will that loathing result in such a veil that you cant see when innocents suffer for what you do? It does take a lot of planning, coherence and courage to plan out any treacherous plan. Cant the intelligence be used in aan efficient way? I stopped pondering about how can people hate, betray or expel cruelty. Nevertheless, I broke myself to learn that this quality - "forgiveness" I have been taught since childhood doesnt hold water to most of the people. But, I still beleive that there is a part in everyone that "feels". Now where does that "part" go when people take decisions to slaughter the innocents.

I am amazed by the coldness of the confession by Saijida Mubarak Atrous this morning. I cant help but think that people cannot be that insensitive. So, I still wonder what was the pressure on her that made her do that. If it was done according to her will, then I run out of words to describe her cold confession.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/meast/11/13/jordan.confession/index.html

2005-11-11T10:11:00.000-08:00

Once again,
The weekend is here,
I am no longer dear,
Withered, here I stand,
Dry, barren and moorish,
All that remained,
Is an ugly blemish.
In the warmth of my arms
Offered a loving view,
Dreamt of being close
But suddenly you withdrew.

2005-11-09T08:38:00.000-08:00

Neither the flexibility,
Nor intricate moves,
But the oozing simplicity,
In your heart it grooves;

Conveyance of your mood,
Emotions that you brood,
A beautiful way,
Of expression,
An elegant array,
Of compassion,

Brilliant radiance,
Nectar to one's glance,
An unique fragrance,
Is the art of DANCE.

Yes, Dance is unique in it's own way. How touching an elegant dance can be!!! I am amazed by
some dances, where dancers are just glued to their position! Nothing beats a dance with
perfect facial expression and the right amount of grace, which is impossible without the
feeling from inside.

Chinese.. what strikes your mind?? FOOD, Marshal arts, short, english-spoken-as-chinese, a
few geeks, and thatz it!!! Never did "DANCE" strike my mind until I saw this.. http://www.fazed.org/video/view/?filename=chinese.wmv

Unbelievable that the performers are hearing impaired!!!!!!!!!!

2005-11-04T11:39:00.000-08:00

Scary mood,
lonesome shriek,
It's that time again
End of the week.
Someone pick me up,
I'm waiting to be freed,
For in a bed of roses,
I am the only weed.

2005-11-03T08:20:00.000-08:00

I tried to be up all night,
Tense when I saw the light,
Holding on to my ken,
Pondering about what,
how and when.
Waiting for the time,
Waiting for my turn,
Forget to eat,
Sense an uneasy burn.
I am getting close,
In my heart-a heavy pound,
All of a sudden,
Find myself dumb-found..
The time has come,
Time to face,
As I walk in,
Sensed the grimace.
I am not welcome to him,
I'm just another one,
Sense him chuckling inside,
As I answer to none!
All my effort,
In a moment, nullified,
With a deep pain inside,
I sit there horrified.
Once again i'm abashed,
I hate being there,
Prefer being lost,
In the middle of nowhere.
Almost got a tear,
His dancing on my fear,
I so hate his view,
As much as the God-Damn Interview!!!

I just dont get some interviewers. What does an interview suppose to mean? Testing what is in my resume, or heckling me with questions? When you want to ask something that my resume doesnt show, why the hell did you call me????? This is to all those SICK interviewers... I HATE YOU.. Learn that, in an interview, you are supposed to allow me present my skill, not your showing off..supposed to test my knowledge, NOT PROVE YOURS..

2005-11-01T22:30:00.000-08:00

In the want to express,
Thoughts that I suppress,
Here I enter...
The world of bloggers,
The world of freedom.
Can speak my mind here,
About my near and dear,
Friend and foe,
Head to toe,
Yet, lay unnoticed.
Thatz what I want to be,
Another brick in the wall..
With mediocre height I stand,
Neither short nor tall...
The first post,
Post that will remain at the rear,
As I try to be,
"The Forgotten Tear"